I’ve seen men, after trying their hardest to endure the agony, pass-up girls that look like Naomi Campbell, to pursue storybook happiness with the plainest Jane in the entire lane.
Women Can’t Understand It!
“I am so much prettier than her! What does he see in her? Me? Boring? What could he possibly mean?”
It means you are so “uninteresting as to cause mental weariness” (ouch)(Am H). Being with you, in the words of Shakespeare, is as “tedious as a twice-told tale”. (To steal a line from a friend) you are as interesting as spending an entire Sunday evening watching freshly poured concrete harden.
Hey Boring Girl, Here Are 7 Things Men Hate About You:
1) Your Answer to Every Question is “NO.”
Any hobby? No. Any opinion on the new Prime Minister? No. Anything new to talk about? No. Any plans for the next five years? No. Read any good books lately? No.
We want to spend our lives with one special girl but please, if you have no personality, no opinion, no interest and no ambition – don’t apply.
2) Your Idea of A Good Conversation is Extended Silence With Occasional Insertions of “Sooo….yeah.”
“I don’t understand why he won’t call me back,” she laments.
Are you serious? Didn’t the half hour pause on the phone last night (in which the guy was home valiantly fighting the temptation to slit his wrist) not suggest anything to you?
Well, of course it didn’t. Making that connection would require active thought process, and by the gist of your engaging one syllable conversations it’s clear that you’re not too fond of things like “thinking and yuh kno, stuff.”
3) You Always Have Spare Time (And Therefore Always Want Mine)
Well obviously you’re going to always have spare time if you have absolutely nothing doing – you don’t even have a favourite TV show for crying out loud.
Even worst! Since an endless abyss of boredom can never be filled, on top of your spare time; you want all of mine as well. My spare times, in which I want to watch the Champion’s League, blog, jog and speak to my family.
4) You Have An Amazing Ability to Yawn at Things That Make Our Hearts Pound
We’d like to take you to a musical on Broadway, to the Opera House in Sydney to Niagra, the Grand Canyon or even to stand above the clouds at the Blue Mountain Peak. Seriously though, we’re not interested in spending money, travelling across the world to hear you say when we get there, “How much longer is this – it’s been going on for like an hour!”
5) Your only conception of fun must always involve a large crowd, a large screen and a large sound system.
You are repetitive – have no variety. Forget long walks, picnics, dinner with a few close friends. It has to be something common, requiring no more than one brain cell at a time.
Why Men Dread Being With You
1) You Make the Idea of Lifelong Commitment Hannibal Lecter Scary
A big part of what makes human relationship great is getting to know another person. There is nothing however that is impressive, intriguing or inviting of investigation in a boring life. The problem is, there is nothing to get to know in you!
Being stuck in a house with you for life would be no different from Tom Hanks in Cast Away.
2) You’re Just a Bad Investment.
Essentially, you’re wasting your life and trying to take everyone along for the ride.
A person who spends all their time doing nothing will be the same in 5 years – not an ounce of improvement. How then would you ever add value to my life?
Why would anyone who cares about what they do with their life, invest in something that is “demanding of time and effort and yet is dull and often unrewarding?”
PLEASE tell me that you’re not a boring girl! Leave a COMMENT, let me know what you think.
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