Do you have dream you believe you were meant to fulfil? Ever wondered what it would be like if you don’t fulfil it? What it would feel like when you come to the end of your life; when you are too old and too fragile to do it anymore but still believe it was meant to be? I have a real, true and – for me – heartbreaking story to share.
Here is a story of a very old but magnificent woman, about 78 years old. From the very first time we had a real in-depth conversation many years ago, I heard how her dream from childhood was to have been a missionary. She always talks about it. There was always a hint of ‘I wish I had’ in her voice, but nothing like what I heard the day I asked her directly how she felt.
You Could See the Pain In Her Eyes
The conversation that day was different from most days. It was noticeably heavier. Her brows creased in perplexity as she squeeze my hand – hesitating to speak. She was about to give me the details.
She had wanted to become a missionary to Ecuador. To the same country and place where the five American male missionaries had been killed in 1956, as shown in the movie “End of the Spear”. With a string of horrible circumstances plaguing her life from birth through to adulthood however (and later on, having to meet the noble responsibilities of being a wife and mother) her dreams were dashed. She never made it to Ecuador.
I Asked Her The Million Dollar Question
I had to ask her. For your sake and mine, I just needed to know how she felt about not having had the opportunity to do that ONE THING in her life that had so captivated her soul from her youth.
Since she has such a beautiful and incredibly successful family, I expected to hear – “Well, I have lived a full life” or “at least I am healthy” or something of the sort. Far from it. Instead:
“Oh” she said, dropping her head briefly before staring me dead in the eyes, “I’m paying dearly for it.”
“Paying dearly,” she repeated under her breath.
“Paying dearly? But it was not your fault!” I thought to myself. Why would you being paying dearly for that, to whom, what currency, and for how long?
Then she explained and I understood. She was paying for her broken dream. The cost was countless moments of regretful recollection. The currency was her peace. The collector was her own aching, deeply regretful heart. The payments were made in daily installments and may continue until a time only God knows.
Don’t Pay For Stuff You Don’t Use
Dreams are fragile, fragile things. We pay for them with our time, energy and so much more. We invest in them – we spend on books, videos and a million things to ripen and fuel our dreams. What’s the sense is there though, what value does it add to your life, to pay for something you never use?
I know the lady in my story personally. She would have gone if she could have. She lived her life the right, way, as God would have had her live it. She has been faithful to her responsibilities. To her though, that thought, of living ‘properly’ only makes the pain slightly more bearable.
If you get an opportunity, any opportunity to do anything that you find deeply meaningful in this life – take it! Grab it by its horns and let it ride away with you. If you get a chance to go – GO! If not, you may end up one day paying with your peace for a truck load of regrets that can take you nowhere.
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