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The Real Problem With Big Belly Girls – Plus 4 Reasons Why Men Love Miss Kitty (Girl 13)

December 8, 2011

Women everywhere are deadly afraid of gaining weight and its primarily because they assume men will perceive them negatively.

by ibanda

How much though does an extra pound of fat on your belly or body really weigh on a man’s brain? What is the real problem with the big belly (or body) girl?

What Do Men Really Think About Fat?

There is plenty to suggest slimmer women are more attractive. Consider:

  1. Every major music video, movie, advertisement. Most of the Miss Universe girls have ridiculously chiseled abs.
  2. Widely reported scientific research have found that
  • “most men would rather have female partners much slimmer than they really have.” (here)
  • “The male partners of heavier women judged the women’s bodies less positively and men rated heavier women as poorer matches to their ideal partners for attractiveness/vitality.” (here)

What about the flip-side?

As LaTonya rightly argued on my Facebook wall yesterday, “Well some guys like “big belly girl”… some like women with a little flesh.”

The Problem Is Not With Fat 

1.     Men already know you’re going to get fat anyway – it’s a given.  

One of the secrets of guys have is to look at a girl’s mom. The idea being that the girl will pretty much end up the same size.  Try it and you’ll recognize that unless she exerts tremendous energy (and is perhaps single), moms are usually a bit cushioned.

2.     Fat can’t be the only issue if, as research shows, men look primarily at a woman’s face when determining long term relationships, as opposed to her body.

3.     Also, you all know a girl with a belly pudgier than yours, who wears 3 sizes more than you, whose boyfriend adores her.

The problem is not just fat.

What Then Is The Real Problem

Lets Solve A Bit of This by Tomasz Stasiuk

These are the real complaints, from real guys that I’ve heard all my life, as well as what I’ve observed:

Girls Who Choose The Wrong Guys

1.     Any guy who invests energy on his own appearance will care about yours.

It is illogical to think that a guy who works out every day, watches what he eats, is conscious of how his clothes fit and his whole appearance, is somehow not going to notice the huge contrast.

 2.     The image and lifestyle of a man’s circle of associates and friends should tell you something early.

Young  professional socialite guys in any city, who attend regular black ties, networking cocktails and want Miss Universe lookalikes that they can show off at all times. Those guys and their circle of associates are essentially, ‘trophy wife’ seeking guys, with ‘trophy wife’ seeking friends. They will always care about weight.  (edited after publication).

 3.     There is something unfair in a girl who expects a man to take care of his body while she neglects hers.

I remember a few years ago while coming from the gym, a girl who was bursting at the seams ran her hand on my stomach and asked in disappointment “Oh no, where are the abs?”

I couldn’t believe it. I just politely answered but all the while I was thinking to myself “Where are my abs? Where is your chin?”

Hey! She started it. Don’t dish what you won’t eat.

Girls Who Have The Wrong Attitude

4.     Fat girls who are so super-conscious of their weight, that it becomes an elephant in the room.

It’s like (true story) a girl you think is gorgeous who scolds you like a child when you, in error, touch the jiggly-jiggly back part of her arm.

“Don’t touch me there – I hate when people touch me there.”

Yikes! The awkwardness and fright will be remembered long after the jiggly fat is forgotten.

 5.     How can you be mad with the guy for not being able to do the impossible? (Like lift you up and twirl you around like a princess.)

The wrong expectations of the wrong guys and her own wrong attitude – those are the real problems with fat girls.  I don’t think fat is the decisive factor in whether a girl finds happiness however. I think fat girls can be with whoever they choose if they adopt these four principles from Miss Kitty.  (inserted after publication)

4 Reasons Why Men Love Miss Kitty

Fluffyyy

For those who don’t know, Miss Kitty is a Jamaican radio personality who, comparable to American actress Monique, has embraced her weight. Rejecting the label “fat,” she calls herself “fluffy.”

First, The Problem with Miss Kitty

As great a word as “Fluffy” is – the article FAT is not SEXY, goes into detail about how weight affects everything from life expectancy, self image to sexual performance and experience. It’s a serious issue.

Men Still Love Kitty

Still, Miss Kitty, Mo’Nique and many women like them across the globe, get a lot of love and attention. How? What’s the appeal? Essentially, I’m asking – how can you ensure that you are not the problematic kind of fat girl?

1.     Miss Kitty Knows She’s Fat

Accepting who you are, is the first step in allowing others to accept you.

2.     Miss Kitty Loves Herself

If you think you’re fat and ugly, I guarantee somebody will agree with you.

3.     Miss Kitty Exudes Confidence and Personality

“I’m a thick girl – that’s how I come” is what a girl I really liked told me once, when I mentioned her belly. Amazingly that was the end of the issue for me – in an instant, her confidence had won me.

4.     Miss Kitty has worked out the details of how to dress for her size, and does it well.

Having said all that, you must still remember that men are moved by what they see (positively and negatively). Learn to dress to fit your size. Those maternity blouses that make people ask you “how far along are you” are not cute.

Conclusion

While fat is a turn off to some guys, the real problem with fat and big belly girls who:

  1. Have the wrong attitude or expectations. Notice I didn’t say the problem was high expectations – PLEASE don’t think I am saying fat women should lower their expectations. I am saying that what a man will expect from you is something you can tell ahead of time.
  2. Dislike their bodies so much that they don’t allow themselves to be loved. We’re all following your cue.

Let me know what you think.  Leave a COMMENT.   Also, don’t forget to SUBSCRIBE so that you may get these post in your email.

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  • Gia

    I couldn’t believe it. I just politely answered but all the while I was thinking to myself “Where are my abs? Where is your chin?”

    LOL REALLY ANDREW??!! jeez lol… great yet again.. y bc ur spot on…. i told one of my 'fluffy' frenz.. that she's my biggest competition for a guys rather than my slim friends… bc like me her confidence flies through the roof…girls dnt always get that..ALSO not every man likes models… some are grossed out so women just need to love themselves… 'every ho have it tic a bush'….

    • http://MaximizeMyLife.com Andrew M. Wildes

      Many girls don\’t get that the MAJORITY of men are not as hung up on weight as the media would suggest. Many men would not be with the super skinny model girls (no offence Skinny).
      Fat is not decisive just as Slim is not decisive – YOU are decisive. Your perception of self, what you communicate and how you market yourself (market sounds weird…but you get the idea).

      Glad you like it. Remember to share and keep on reading.

      By the way, Its every \”Hoe\” (as in the farm tool) , not every \”ho\” – which means something completely different.

  • http://twitter.com/WatJody @WatJody

    LOL. Hilarious. But *gasp* you 'mentioned her belly'? (jk) — You speak nothing but the truth though [and this is coming from a 'fluffette']. Words to consider :)

    • http://MaximizeMyLife.com Andrew M. Wildes

      Lol. Yaaay. Fluffy to the world.

  • whylori

    Epic stuff, Andrew. I know I'm not a normal fat girl, nor a normal girl by anyone's standards (I just don't see what the excitement is about), but is time dem get a clue, man. Guys are generally nowhere near as discriminating as girls like to think. You rock, dude. Lori.

    • http://MaximizeMyLife.com Andrew M. Wildes

      THANK YOU Lori! You Rock too! Really glad to hear how confident and assured you sound. I\’m really hoping this article goes a long way to help others see and embrace the beauty of that perspective.

      • Eezah

        great read, from where im standing, you may just have achieved that! helped me put things in pespective :)

        Thanks

  • not interested

    Sound points again, I very often find that fat girls for real very often have big personalities and huge confidence; but the thing is it’s hard when the world highly stereotypes you on looks. I mean I used to be a lil overweight in high school and males would be interested as I was very confident but honestly I don’t think I was happy with myself…and very often you’ll say you’re confident and you may be but whenever you turn on the tv or read through magazines that’s what bombards you and that’s what many men expect as well. I ended up losing the weight and then showing all the ‘right curves’ and I’m like woah where’d all these men just come from? But for me now, my weight may go up by a 5 to 10 pounds and come down easily, so it’s not much a bother. But I remember dating someone and I had put on about 8 pounds, if so much and he was like you need to go gym, you’re gaining weight. Thas not cool. On the flipside, one of my longest relationship was with someone who during the course of the relationship I was at my regular size, put on a around 5 pounds and told him how I felt and we started jogging together and in like a month my physique was ‘perfect’ as what many would say. Now that’s someone who I respect for life. So males need to understand that many women do find the weight thing a sensitive issue and should be careful with their choice of words and actions.

  • http://twitter.com/Drie1 Sandrie Dennis

    Love this…it really does have to do with how the woman views herself and the confidence she has….I especially love the part about dressing appropriately. Somtimes I think some women have a lil too much confidence in their size or on the flip side they have a low self image and so the tights and short shorts that expose the cellulite and the blouses 4 sizes too small is their way to compensate…but it is sooo NOT HOTT!!!

  • http://twitter.com/Drie1 Sandrie Dennis

    Love this…it really does have to do with how the woman views herself and the confidence she has….I especially love the part about dressing appropriately. Somtimes I think some women have a lil too much confidence in their size or on the flip side they have a low self image and so the tights and short shorts that expose the cellulite and the blouses 4 sizes too small is their way to compensate…but it is sooo NOT HOTT!!!

  • Pingback: 10 Things I’ve Learned In 25 Years That May Help You Make The Most of Your Life | Maximize My Life

  • Patrick Devine

    The human race could use a few more choices as to what a “normal” person can acceptably consider beautiful and sexy. It’s OK for a majority of folks to agree on one or two desirable body types, but one size definitely doesn’t fit all. If fat people could think of themselves as just people, most of whom may be rather plain, but all of whom could be more attractive with a little effort, just like everyone else, there would be a lot more attractive fat people, and it would be more socially acceptable to be attracted to them. We need to allow a few more acceptable choices, like sexy fat women and men who are sexy because they are healthy and strong and confident.

  • Vaibhav Panchal

    A man while choosing his partner only looks at her face and her skin. If she has a beautiful face and soft skin man really would not care about her weight that much. The real thing why men prefer slim women is “the media” who hammered the image of slim women as attractive. We see this in all music videos, movies, TV shows. Everywhere there are slim women as anchors, actresses, even News channels prefer the slim women to read the News. Because of that most of the men want to choose thin women to maintain their “social status” in friends. Most of the men are ashamed to admit that they like fat girls. If this changes the Big picture would also change.

  • Ada

    I think the problem is whether she’s healthy in the medical sense or not. Some thick girls are meant to carry extra, even with healthy diet and exercise. A lot of women in my family like that. Then there are people who don’t make good decisions for their health, so that thickness ain’t genetic. THOSE are the girls that have more of the “fat” health issues.

  • Piglett

    Everything that was stated is very true. But, I somehow can’t seem to escape the feeling of ” still ” being subliminally punished (by society) for not being what society feels I should be. And honestly….. a big girl could have all the qualities she’s supposed to have (like any other thin girl) and what a male feels a big girl should have….. but if faced with the choice to date a thinner women, simply because she’s physically appealing; would he? Maybe the issue is not always the”big girl.” And I just don’t like how we are slowly becoming a society that condemns people that don’t look cookie cutterish. Don’t get me wrong… I get what the appeal of thin woman can have on a man, but damn! It’s just getting ridiculous that some women feel they are no longer desirable if they are not a certain size. And when they do meet a decent man- you must question why he wants you. Especially if he’s well in tuned with popular cultures.

  • Deb

    I appreciated your insight in this article…especially as a woman who has dealt with a chubby belly my whole life. I love who I am as a woman and have a great deal to offer. I have always been told I was extremely beautiful…and have attracted a lot of gorgeous men, including body builders in my life…but, in the midst of it all, I’ve always (and still do) struggled with my large “pot belly” (as my grandmother always put it)…I really hate that term, LOL! But seriously, you’re right…it’s ALL about your attitude with yourself…because it truly does reflect and confidence is SO attractive! As my mother always told me (still does)…”Don’t ever shut a man down when he touches a part of you that you feel may be “unattractive or unappealing”…that’s worse than feeling uncomfortable…men like things about women that you don’t like about yourself and they love to feel it all…even the chubby belly!!!

    • Oon Bara

      I am in the same boat Deb. I mostly love my body, but ever since I can remember I have had a pot belly. People also think I am beautiful and I date handsome men, but I still get so self conscious about this tummy. It is about attitude though, because when I realize that my “flaw” is just a little “bump” in my overall great package I know that it is not a big deal.

  • Z

    I like being on the thinner side (not skinny), not because of mens perception of me but because I love clothes and I like to wear them well and have various choices.

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