Luke Jameson* is dead.
After a short intense period of piercing headaches, convulsions, diarrhea, vomiting, and a coma.
What Really Happened?
It looked like cholera, but that was unlikely – no one else country had it. Arsenic poisoning was just as wild a guess. The good old pathologist wanted to sleep however. Natural causes it is.
Luke’s mother however is not convinced. Mrs. Jameson is certain that one person is to be blamed – a 23 year old medical sciences student, Kristen Paige.
According to Mrs. Jameson, her son went out with Kristen once, and though he seemed happy when he returned in the night – the following morning he vowed never to see her again.
According to Mrs. Jameson the following is how a psycho killed her son:
Before & During A Relationship
Kristin was everything Luke desired – she had one of those gazillion mega-watts, as bright as a stadium light-bulb smiles that just always pulled him in. Her eyes made him dizzy.
It was as obvious as a naked sumo wrestler running through midday traffic that Kristin liked him too. Numbers were exchanged. A plan was made – Happy Feet 2.
The movie was great. At the end – smiling and dazed, they parted for the night.
Trouble In The Night
As Luke entered his house and closed the door his phone vibrated. Text message from…“Kristen.”
“I think I love you Luke…” It was 11:35 PM.
“Hey Luke, how was your dateeeee” his mom asked, tauntingly as he went further into the house.
“Ahhh, – I’m going to my room” Luke, rushed up the stairs.
“Luke, I really think that you’re the one.”
“Hey Lukie Poo, its your Kristi Boo – are you sleeping already.” Pet names.
“Lukie Bear, I just want you to know that you make me so happy. I know I could never live without you. Ever”
He tossed in bed till around 2:00 AM, as the messages came every 5 minutes like clockwork. In a fit of cold sweat, perplexity and dread, Luke finally fell asleep.
The major problems Luke found were:
1. She was much too affectionate in too short a time
Before Luke could catch his breath, the girl had already told him:
- “I love you”
- “You’re the one”
The worst things though:
- were the pet names,
- the public displays of affection i.e. the 10 love song posted on his Facebook wall, and
- the request for change of relationship status
2. She was clearly stalking him
She “liked” and commented “great pic babe” on all of Luke’s 1500 photo’s on Facebook.
After that, she added all of his friends 2000 of his friends.
3. She was abnormally jealous & over possessive
She then proceeded to message every girl who shared a photo with Luke that seemed too close.
Three days into the saga, Luke got an email from Kristin saying “Lukie, something’s been on my mind since the movie. Do you think the girl penguin had a better voice than me? You really seemed to like her voice.”
It soon became clear to Kristin (she’s crazy not stupid), that Luke was not planning to return her calls, emails or reciprocate in any way. Everything went downhill:
After Rejection or Break Up
Everything happened in a flash on the days preceding Luke’s sickness, but these were the most memorable in relation to Kristin:
4. She made it clear that she would never give up
She called Luke 178 times (true story) every day – leaving messages to the effect:
“Why did you have to break my heart Lukie boo?”
“I thought you would be different Luke! I thought you loved me.”
“You can’t leave me – hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!”
5. She became destructive and violent
Luke had just purchased a brand new Subaru. He woke up to find all four tires slashed and his wind screen smashed clear through with a brick.
6. She tried to defame him and ruin his life
As Luke hopped off the bus the following day – there were the Police standing in front his office.
“You’re under arrest for the rape of Kristin Paige” the officers said, grabbing Luke at the waist. That was it.
Mrs. Jameson has no idea where Luke could’ve been poisoned – that’s the problem. Until then, Kristin Paige (or whatever her name is) is free.
You have been warned.*[Of course the story is made up silly! ALL the characters in the story are fake. I do not know a Luke Jameson or Kristin Paige – randomly selected names.]
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