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She Obviously Doesnt Want A Man (Girl 2)

November 23, 2011

In all the pursuit of material and professional happiness, this woman – despite all she says – just does not see a man as priority (and she treats him accordingly).

This woman is one of the most exasperating for a man. Sadly (for the men), research indicates that she is pretty common.

Man Not A Priority

Here are her two most arresting characteristics:

She is Unreasonably Ambitious

Chip on the shoulder, foot on the gas, and keys to the office always nearby. She “needs” to do everything but live life.

“I want – no, need to make my first million by the time I’m 25!”

“I have to prove to everyone that a woman can stand toe to toe with all the men in the profession.”

She Isn’t Very Interested in Family

“Noooooo, I can’t have any children any time soon. Not before 35 and I don’t think I can afford to have more than one. In fact, I may need a surrogate.”

Did you know that, (based on to research I will mention shortly) men today actually have a “greater inclination toward parenthood” than women “across every age group.”

YOU Ladies Better Take Note

Hey YOU! Pay Attention!

Sadly, “according to what may be the biggest study of single people ever,” this is perhaps the woman that you are most like.

The study was sponsored by Match.com but “carried out by an independent company in conjunction with Rutgers University anthropologist Helen Fisher, social historian Stephanie Coontz and the evolutionary-studies program at Binghamton University.”

Belinda Luscombe of TIME Magazine noted in an analysis of the study:

“Women are much more interested in their independence than men are,”…They value certain parts of their single lives more than men do… women are likelier to want to have their own bank accounts, their own interests, their own personal space and solo vacations, even if they’re in a committed relationship. They also care more about nights out with buddies.

On the data Luscombe stated, “it’s not simply…that guys are more pro-marriage than has been believed; it’s that women are less so than the stereotypes would have it.”

Why This Woman Frustrates Men

1.    Because we (still) want romance and love and time and attention.

While some women may now prefer more exciting things (like work?), a large number of men still want to just go to the movies and eat ice cream without having to rush it.

We want time to talk about our deepest feelings, with just one woman in a way that we feel very uncomfortable doing with our closest male friends.

It may be that after all, men are just more romantic than women, with all the benefits and problems that brings with it: almost a third of the men surveyed believe that there is just one perfect match for every human. (And no, there’s no evidence their wives were in the room at the time.) Only a quarter of women felt that way. (TIME)

2.    Because We (still) Want Families.

I love this bit from the research:

 Single men are, on the whole, as likely to want to get married as single women, the survey found. They are more likely than women to be open to dating people of a different race or religion, more prone to falling in love at first sight, more eager to combine bank accounts sooner and more likely to want children. (That distant choking sound you hear is thousands of women finding this news hard to swallow.)  (TIME)

Who would ever have thought things would go this way?

I highly recommend that you ladies read the following 3 articles from TIME Magazine from which I received a great deal of assistance for this article:

 Well? Are you like this woman or not? Leave a COMMENT.   Also, don’t forget to SUBSCRIBE so that you may get these post in your email.

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  • Chan

    HA!….that is all.

    • http://Maximizemylife.com Andrew M. Wildes

      That can't be all Chan! How can that be all. lol.

  • Ticoaye

    Well sadly, there is truth in this analysis, the world today is shaping a career oriented time bomb in women. So many of us have tunnel vision that life passes us by while we achieve our goals. It saddens me to see so many high profile women strutting their poodles instead of taking their kids to the park.

    The worst part though, is that when life hits, and they desire more than their profession, then they have to settle with men that they wouldn't have chosen to begin with, or remain solo.

    I agree women need to strike a balance and dispel the notion that family life is a threat to their personal achievements.

    • http://Maximizemylife.com Andrew M. Wildes

      Ticoaye, we need to strike a balance between the advancement of women and the security of the family.

      I did a course entitled Gender and the Law during my LL.B and one of the things that was revealed to me there was how little our systems cater to the needs of women.

      Women have a legitimate fear in avoiding children sometimes – if they have one they will almost certainly be too busy to advance where they need to go.

      Perhaps we need to reconstruct our working models with the family in mind. Time for mom and time for dad, so no one has to choose.

  • garvin

    This my friend is the result of feminism. Its funny to me how many feminist say they want equal treatment as men because they are equal, the only thing is that if you read people like the Belgium feminist Luce Irigaray you hear a tone that's not seeking for equality but eradication of males. What most feminist do if very similar to what many leader of dictatorial states do . For instance Robert Mugabe, over got the British out of Zimbabwe to lead his country towards freedom, only to end up being a worst oppressor to his people. Feminism breathes its poison into women and make them into selfish egotist, the very thing they call most of us. Sad.

  • Ebiakpo-aboere Sonron

    Read the articles that were linked and I found them interesting and educating. It is easy to think that women value marriage far more than men, when this might not be the reality. I wonder what the results would be if the same study was done on the Jamaican society.

    Over the years, marriage has been losing its lustre. What may have been seen as a form of security in life, is now seen as a trap, a hindrance to living a fulfilled, happy life – especially if the woman feels that she has to “settle” for a man that is lower than her established standards.

    But am I surprised that it has come to this? Not really. Like Garvin, I have to point to the feminist movement for a lot of the blame. The aim for equality has turned into a “do away with men because we don’t need them” movement and it has slowly eroded the essence and strength of the family unit which is the most basic unit of any society. And has you mentioned Andrew, the systems out there do not cater to the needs of a women. I recall reading about maternity and parental leave in different countries and it is amazing how some countries will cater to the family by giving substantial parental leave (sometimes shared between mother and father). As we see it in some professions, a woman has to decide between family and upward mobility, and sadly upward mobility seems to be winning more and more in today’s society.

  • not interested

    I am this woman and don't feel I have to apologize for it. Yes I'm a christian too and I do believe that marriage is ordained by God, however it's not something that I want. Neither do I want to have kids. Other women crave that and that's great, but this is me. I don't think it's selfish. Why venture into something you don't want or create unnecessary stress. Relationships take lots of work and energy; all of that could be transferred into other vital areas of your life. And men, women still have to prove themselves. Look on the boards of companies and tell me how many women you see even in this day and age. Sad but true. I'm all for feminism and female empowerment; and it's not to say that men you don't count, but rather I can do this on my own. I'd rather a woman be independent any day and empowered than needy and desperate as you've earlier described.

    • http://MaximizeMyLife.com Andrew M. Wildes

      Hey, thanks for being so real and honest about how you feel.

      I understand the need for women to prove themselves. Our society is so unfair – women not only have to work twice as hard to get to positions that men get almost naturally, but when they get into the positions they get less pay and less respect. I am probably more 'feminist' than you could imagine. My problem is not with the advancement of women.

      The problem as is outlined here is with a unreasonableness in relationships. Essentially, a man will expect the default female approach and not the exceptional feminist/workaholic kind of approach. And unless you communicate to the guy up front, this is who I am, these are my values, these are my goals, this is what you should expect of me – if those aren't communicated he will get frustrated.

      Also, not every man will be able to handle this kind of relationship, even when everything is communicated up front. Why? Because of, again, gender norms and expectations. We are just hard wired to want a woman around sometimes, lots of times, – dinner times, weekends, etc. We grew up seeing that, thats what we expected, thats what we think is right.

      To not frustrate – you will need to be very blunt in communicating, from early out and make an honest assessment of whichever guy you get with for yourself. Decide ahead if you think he is one that can manage.

      • not interested

        While you make some sound points and I see your advice; it's rather interesting you said the 'unreasonableness in relationships' by such women yet you concede that guys expect the 'default female approach'… that to me is unreasonable. I've always ascertained that most men especially the successful types cannot manage a woman that is on their level or even superior. Indeed, it does something to their ego. Why is it the female's responsibility to adjust to the man, why can't it be the other way around, or for a compromise create a balance. The fact that you also conceded that men like women around lots of times shows that you men are more needy and desperate that you would ever admit. Yeah yeah I know about gender norms and expectations but times have changed, this is not the 1980s, it's 2011. And the whole advice about being blunt and communicating, that actually produces the reverse effect because as I mentioned guys get scared and intimidated. I wonder if by 'default' you mean a docile, traditional female. hmmm….

        • http://MaximizeMyLife.com Andrew M. Wildes

          Can it really be unreasonable to expect what is most common? I don't think so. If the average female operates in one way, the presumption will naturally be that most or all will be the same. In such a situation its the one who is different that has to say, "Hey, I know you may be thinking this and this and that, but I am not like every other girl. This is how I view life"

          Yes, it may have exactly the opposite effect that you intend, I agree. A guy may hear that and decide "Hey, I don't think this is what I want." I think that just as you have the choice to be who you want, he has his choice to decide he wants something different.

          You are wrong on one point. It seems like you think men are ashamed to admit how needy they are. Men are extremely needy and countless studies with men have documented this over this years. Men want a woman around, that's the reality. Men may – out of ego – not want to admit to the woman that he wants her around, but we know we are needy.

          The problem as I have defined it is not with women advancing. The problem is fundamentally one of contrasting values. I'm talking about where the woman thinks the most important thing is to do things that professionally and the man thinks that relationship, family things are more central. That's the heart of this problem.

          And no, I don't mean docile, traditional, wash, cook and clean by default. I mean eager to spend lots of time, be extremely affectionate, and so forth.

          • http://about.me/KellyeRaeFisher Kellye

            I'm confused. Is "not interested" even interested in finding a man? My understanding is that she isn't.

            Its quite obvious that a man wouldn't [or shouldn't] be interested in a woman who simply doesn't want a man.

            Yes, we've evolved. Yes, some men are intimidated by independent and powerful women. And yes, generally the advancement of women is not a problem for most [and dare I say "real"] men.

            But at the end of the day the question is – - "Not Interested", do you want a man?? No? Ok … well you're the poster child for the New Age Truly Independent Woman who lives for herself and career. The type that men [should and do] avoid. And is that a problem? No it shouldn't be because – no man – is a part of your plan.

            As for this type of woman generally, I tend to agree with Andrew. An independent and ambitious woman can be a turn on to some men – but a relationship is about companionship. Its about being with another person and creating a family. A woman who sees and wants ONLY success in her career, or is so focused on that to neglect other aspects of her life – - well…..I guess cats are a nice unburdensome investment. :)

            • http://MaximizeMyLife.com Andrew M. Wildes

              Well Not Interested? What do you say to Kellye\’s response?

  • Gia

    :O wow….. where did the desire to be a mom and wife go? its so sad man… i was talking to a group of young adults, and some1 said she'd love to be a housewifeis possible, and only few agreed with her. Someone actually said she's living below her potential… bc she should be working :o … like really?? i so detest the passion people had to drag women from homes to work.. sure we make money… but we've lost the purpose for which we've got here… sad sad times for the world….

    • http://MaximizeMyLife.com Andrew M. Wildes

      Many women today – as the study shows – no longer believe that it was ever a woman's "purpose" to be a wife or mother. They believe that those roles were ONLY hard symbols of oppression and servitude. And those who don't think that deep – which is most young women – just want to prove themselves in the world.
      I don't think the underlying desire to be good at what you do is bad. I think its admirable, and commendable to want to reach the highest heights of your field. However, I think we all lose out if we try to deny that family, love, relationships – companionship – are very critical components of our life.
      I would rather be 10 times poorer and have the love, support and companionship of my family – my 2 brothers and one sister, mom and dad. I am who I am largely because of them being there for me. Personally, I could never be with a woman who didn't see family as a priority. And I am way too much of a big baby to not have a girl who wants to spend time.

      • not interested

        Smiling reading all the follow up comments. As for Kelleye, and andrew's query I would say that I will have to concede on a few points. Unfortuntately so! Hmph. But yes you are right I don't want a man, which is actually what I did state earlier; neither kids. And so now that I thoroughly think it through I think you all are right in terms of the fact that guys should avoid females like me, because the truth is it will be a total waste of their time. What annoys me however is all the faults that the blog writer has found in all these women as if he and all men should look a perfect person or a female Jesus. And since you're telling men to avoid these women, I mean I suppose all these 'avoided' women should just turn lesbians or something because obviously who then can live up to your standards. If I should start a blog on the men that women interested in them should avoid I could start with number 1. Men who create blogs advocating for men to avoid us! They're gayy! lol! Ok I'm not saying you are, :) but undoubtedly there must be a deeper reason which led you to create this.Maybe you need to share that story with your fans.

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